I Was Never Buried, Only Planted

PERIOD OF GESTATION

Days were dark, friends were few, my world was caving in, clouds of depression looming over.

I thought it was over, that I was done. I imagined the warm rays of sunlight would never again caress my soul. All I had was a shell, a shell now covered in goosebumps...

Like a short sighted mortal, I didn't realize what I had thought a tomb was only a womb.

What I had imagined a burial, was only a period of gestation.

I didn't realize I was a seed planted, a seed awaiting a season of harvest, planted because God does not work in public, He works private, true to the formula of "from the inside-out".

I didn't want to compete as I thought I was complete.

I was a David now without a Goliath, the numbness of mediocrity threatening to cripple me.

I had constantly been chasing, chasing what I thought  I would become, not realizing I already was, being an acorn at the time, did not mean I was never an oak tree. 

PRODUCT OF REFINEMENT

I went about life wanting to be a product of refinement but did not comprehend that refiners gold first goes through the fiery furnace. 

That the finest flour goes through degrees and levels of grounding.

That the finest fragrance comes from crushed seeds. 

Simply put, my pain was not in vain because exceptionalism can not be produced from normalcy.

 I needed to experience exceptional pain to have exceptional power.

God's strength had to be justified in my weakness.

Like an arrow, I have been pulled back, farther and farther with more resistance, but the time to spring forth has come. I am being shot forth, further than what I ever have been in my life. 

Darkness no longer scares me because greatness does not germinate in public!

-I am Pam, The Nubian Goddess, An African Woman Of Substance-

This Life Owes Me Nothing

VICTIM OR VICTOR?

I recently came across a quote which said " Event + Outcome = Victim but Event + My Response = Victor"

I relate it to the often iterated statement of "Whether you think you are right or not, you're right". 

Realising that life owes me nothing was the beginning of a fulfilling, eye opening and thought provoking life. 

In your lifetime you might've heard people say "Good things come to those who wait" but there's been the counter which says, "Good things come to those who get up and get em". I tend to agree with the latter. I stopped waiting on life to happen, I went out, made critical decisions, took chances and risks, some have been rewarding and some not but those that have not,  have taught me some of life's greatest lessons. I chose to stop being a victim of circumstance, I chose to stand up and reintroduce myself to life. 

What am I saying? That door will not open unless you knock, that answer will not arrive unless the question has been asked, your circumstance will not change unless you stand up and do something about it, your next great opportunity is a step away... what is the common denominator here? Action! Life can't happen to you, you need to happen to life.

YOUR WORTH

You have got to know your worth. I choose to call it my currency. Are you a Dollar, a Pound, a Euro, a Rand? 

My currency determines my expenditure, it determines with whom I choose to invest. If there is no return on investment, compound growth or shares to market I will not invest there. You have got to know when to leave a table when growth or love is no longer served. TD Jakes taught, "Never find yourself in a room where all in it look to you for answers", you constantly need to feel inferior, you need to reach, glean and teach continually.

Life is a gift to be gifted back. Gift life in sending positive vibrations into its frequency, in building empires out of pebbles it's thrown at you, in getting back up each time you trip, in defining yourself and using that definition to assist others. 

Be a Doer, a Stance Taker, Become a Victor.

This life owes you nothing!

-I am Pam, The Nubian Goddess, An African Woman of Substance- 

Carried by Grace

A Calm and Stillness

She's been well acquainted in 3rd speech dialogue.

 Relaying experiences as though experienced by others other than herself. 

Staying objective in an effort to avoid being subjective.

She chooses not to do so today, today she will unmask herself and speak in 1st speech dialogue.

2018

A year that afforded me a roller-coaster of emotions, lessons and battles. 

A year that stripped me of everything I thought I had or knew. 

A year that passed like the blink of an eye but with scars that'll last a lifetime.

A year that unapologetically taught me, "there's more to life".

It is a year that buried me but in being a seed, I was only planted.

I have uprooted as a smarter, stronger and braver woman.

I have uprooted with horizons deepened and broadened.

I have uprooted with heightened pinnacles to reach.

Grace

 I am a product of Grace.

It has carried me from despair to a hope of a brighter tomorrow.

It has carried me from utter loss to unfathomable gain.

It has carried me from rags to riches.

It has carried me from a heart failed and bruised to a life renewed.

It has carried me from a life unfulfilled to a life densified.

Yesterday is gone but tomorrow beckons me.

I am a life full of scars but I am a life beautiful with lessons.

I am subject to mortal err but I am no victim of circumstance.

I have had setbacks but like a ray of sunshine I will always breakthrough.

You ain't seen nothing yet, this is #20NiceThings

-I am Pam, The Nubian Goddess, An African Woman of Substance-

Still I Rise...

BEAUTIFUL & BOLD

Battered and bruised, still I rise

Broken, torn and beaten, still I rise 

Rise I can and rise I will because even amidst my circumstance I am not its product and neither am I its victim.

Like oceans deep and tides wide, I rise like crashing waves.

Like gravel set on ground and destined for trampling, like dust I rise.

With terror and fear handed as gifts, like a breaking dawn so wondrously clear, still I rise. 

I am uprooted from pain and gloom and like a shooting star I continue to rise.

They have laughed, they have scorned, tried to shoot me with their words and cut me with their hate but like the air, I continue to rise.

A platform had been set, a ramp prepared and an engine fueled for a rise so majestic that many gaze in awe.

I am bold, I am beautiful, I am black, I am brave and all I have ever known is to rise. 

Rise to leaps and bounds unmatched, destinations undiscovered and breaths unfathomable.

CONTENTMENT

I soar on eagles wings, uplifted and carried by my Redeemer.

I have no fear, no shame and no limitations.

I rise higher than birds.

I am blessed, blessed beyond measure nor imagination.

I am strong, strengthened in meekness.

I rise up unafraid.

I am a queen inaugurated to a throne

A throne not set on mortar nor clay

I rise and remain risen.

-I am Pam, The Nubian Goddess, An African Woman of Substance-

Reflections of a Queen

INNATE MIRROR

Queen, for too long you have viewed yourself through the social mirror, measuring your outputs on baselines set by the universe, not that the universe is entirely to be blamed as this disposition has been a function of your decisions and not your condition.

Queen, you have been battered and bruised from preconditions and built in paradigms. You have put yourself under pressure where there has been no pressure at all. You have seen scars where there have been none, scrubbed where there was no dirt and repaired where there was never any damage.

You have longed for things your soul never desired, set pinnacles your inner sense could not relate to, ran a race which was never marked for you and entangled yourself in judgement which was never true. Truth is, for too long you have tried to fit in where there was never any space for you.

Queen, it is time to shatter this deceitful mirror which has given an obscured view for far too long. It is time to take the shards and build an innate mirror. One which speaks to your true self, one which reflects your subtle beauty and sophisticated strength. One which gives view of predestined destinies coming to fruition.

Queen, it is time to see the lioness in you. To cease the moment and say I am who I am, I am strong, bold and beautiful. I am wonderfully and fearfully made. I am worth more than rubies, I am that Proverbs woman and more. I am not a trend but a legacy, I am not my feelings nor moods but an empress in touch with her inner soul and identity.

Phakama Mbokodo, iXhesha Lifikile - Rise Precious Gem, Your Time Has Come!

QUEEN, UNPACK THAT BAGGAGE 

-I am Pam, the Nubian Goddess, An African Woman of Substance-

Blossoms in June

PICTURESQUE BLOSSOMS

As a South African living in South Africa, June to me means Winter. It brings the anticipation of cold mornings, misty days and dark early nights. 

The universe has taught that no good can come from darkness and oft times Winter is looked upon with gloom, without hope of anything beautiful or bright blooming...

I will liken June to a season in one's life...

June, I was weary of you, I was told of your coldness and gloom. June, I anticipated your coming with somber emotions, I thought you had no good to offer, that you would possess me, make me yours and remove all light in me. June, I thought you would snatch me from my walls of warmth and leave me out in the cold to freeze myself to sleep. June I had expected you to be a dark cloud, overshadowing me all the time.

Boy was I wrong...

June, you taught me that even in the cold, my breath remains warm, that my heart will continue to pump warm blood into my vessels. June, you beauty, your quaint breeze tantalized my senses and awoke my goosebumps. You read my skin like braille while I wrote poetry about your picturesque motions, swirls and twirls.

You're not easy like a Sunday morning but you're beauty is like Paris in Spring time.

-I am Pam, The Nubian Goddess, An African Woman of Substance-

Newness Of Life

How often have you heard the saying, "If God has brought me to it He will get me through it"? Do you look at challenges as refining experiences or the contrary?

It's been about 3 months since I published an article and so much has happened in those 3 months, almost a newness of life...

See I choose to see challenges as forerunners for blessings rather than blessings as forerunners for challenges. I have been through the fiery furnace and have I not come out renewed?!

God places us in circumstances we deem unreal and almost unbearable but who are you to determine you're not strong enough and could never get through whatever hurdle you've been curbed with? Are you not made of His image, possessing the same power He does?

So often in life we underestimate ourselves, feel less than what we should, get blinded by what is not over what is, we look beyond and fail to see what is right before us, we're quick to say we can't before even fathoming we can, we doubt our faith before doubting our very doubts.

In the 3 months I have been away I have been challenged, I have been blessed, I have lost a loved one but regained her as an eternal spiritual companion, I've descended only to be elevated, I've lost and gained, I've cried and laughed, felt weak and unable only to be uplifted and stronger than my weaknesses, I have been exposed to raw truth but fallen in love with it's brutality, I have felt alone in a crowd but have learned to enjoy my own company, I felt like I was losing myself at some point but, but I have gained a newness of life.

Like kinks and coils that go through different stages and phases of their growth life cycle, so are our lives and the patterns they follow.

It is your journey and refinement, you are a gem that takes its own form and shape, you exude beauty and strength from your uniqueness.

You are a rebirth that keeps evolving...

-I am Pam, The Nubian Goddess, An African Woman of Substance-